Realizations (Part1)

February 12,2017. Sunday, 7:17pm

I'm alone. Yes. Literally. I'm alone here at our house. Because of the silence, I've realized and remember many things. Memories to be exact. I have many regrets. It's almost 4years. Years with them. Smiles, laughter, tears, misunderstandings, problems, and many more. Why did these things happened to us? Why all of these happens when we're counting for days and months left for us to be together. I maybe strong and tough when you see me in everyday. But the truth is, inside I'm breaking. I'm being stabbed by many hurtful things in my chest. I regret to be close to all of you. Yes. That's what I regret. Not the friendship. Because realization hits me that it doesn't really matter how long we've been friends. Even though I already open the book of myself and life to all of you, at the end of the day you proved me that you doesn't really know me. That the details of my existence doesn't lingered in your minds and hearts. I'm very disappointed to the extent that I don't wanna see your physical selves, hear your voices and everything about all of you. Because all I can visualize in every matter and atom you have is betrayal. Yes. I felt betrayed. Betrayed by the most I trusted friends. Scratch that. My younger sisters. I already treat you as my family. Given the fact that I don't have a sister. That's why I'm very hurt. I wish that I can turn back time. So that I'll not be able to let myself indulge to the fake friendship you offered to me. I should be able to save myself to that trap. But it's too late now. It's all done. I'm very attached to all of you that's why it's really hard to start all over again. New friends. New environment. New cycle. I'm sentimental person that's why I'm really pained to lose the three of you. After all, I'm still the one who was left behind. Like what happened almost a year ago. Our second chance for this friendship already ended. Broken and can never be fix. One is enough, two is too much. A qoute that really absorbed by my system. That's why I've realized that I shouldn't felt lonely because life let you learned from your mistakes. And I think, this is the knowledge and learning it wants to teach me. Four years is not just that easy to forget and also, a betrayal for days or weeks is also not just that easy to forgive. It will scarred me for life. It already affects my trust issues with other people. This is what you get when you trust too much. You'll be broken and hurt to death without a physical bruises. It will kill you slowly. Mentally and emotionally. That's what I've realized for today. I regret the day I met the three of you. I regret the day we've became friends and start a bond between us that leads me now to a broken heart.

-Kaye